Perhaps I’ve used a word that has connotations beyond my meaning and I don’t want to sound trippy and New Age so I’ll use strictly Christian examples…. You know how saints are depicted with halos in art? What’s that alluding too? It’s a reflection of something that religious people acknowledge and value and hopefully strive for. Something unquantifiable. A force that’s powered by humility and purity of the soul.
Saints are depicted with halos to show that they are holy. This "force" in holiness. If your suggestion is that Techno turn herself to God and grow in holiness, then that is wonderful. I am completely on board with that.
What about Daniels relationship with the lions. That’s another example of how something unquantifiable can be at work in relationships that can’t be contrived or faked or planned.
Daniel was spared from the lions because God directly intervened. Does the king not call Daniel the servant of God and does Daniel not state that Got intervened? This is not about some vague force. This is about God.
Most of us don’t get to halo wearing status in our relationships, but as Catholics what distinguishes us from the secular is our acknowledgement of the unquantifiable mysteries in life.
I think that what distinguishes Catholics from the secular is first and foremost and understanding that we are made to know, love, and serve God.
Quite frankly, the secular world is overflowing with people who will believe anything so long as it is vague and undefined, overflowing with those who are "spiritual but not religious." All that they would acknowledge would be an unquantifiable mystery. Once it is no longer some unquantifiable force but has a decidedly religious definition such as holiness or intervention by God, it loses its appeal to the secular.
But you’ve read my first comment wrongly here because I didn’t say don’t ask him, I’m saying based on her history with a ‘hot and cold’ kind of guy, (other threads concerning techno's relationship with him) ...what’s the point of asking the same questions over and over looking for clues every time he pulls away. I advocated an attitude adjustment to create a different pattern.
OK, to be clear then, what adjustment and what pattern are you advocating?
Why start from there though? 'What can I do to keep him'? Is that a good place to start at the get go?
It's not. That's precisely what I was saying.
Why not start from 'I don't feel good when he does this to me' and let her questions and his answers address that first and foremost....
Because he didn't do anything to her. She's not a victim. He said he wanted to slow down, and she didn't know what that meant. Simple enough to say, "OK, what do you mean by that?" or "Sure, what did you have in mind?" See. Very easy. If she doesn't want to do that, that's fine, too, but if she chooses not to seek clarification it cannot be because she wants to be mysterious.
If she chooses not to seek clarification and to step back and turn to God to grow in her spiritual life (which she should be doing regardless of how her relationship is going) then that is great.
rather than 'what I can do to keep him', being the agenda.
Again, that is not an agenda I promoted.
There's a million books out there explicating co-dependency and how it works, but until you experience you're own boundaries, respecting other boundaries can only be a tiresome effort to implement. Some of these things I say from experience.