My virtue is worth next to nothing which is why I've been trying to change my life right?
Honestly until you are able to understand and agree that the only time that it is right have sex is when you ARE married (not just want to get married) and the only reason it is right to have sex is because you ARE married and you wish to fulfill the dual purposes of sex, marital unity and procreation, then you are having sex at the wrong time, with the wrong person and for the wrong reasons you will devalue your virtue.
So what if the guy told
you he wanted to marry you. Of course he was lying. He, typical of many young men, wanted to have sex and he said whatever he needed to say to get you to lay aside your modesty and your chastity - and obviously it worked (more than once apparently). That shouldn't be surprising to you. After all, you said earlier that all men are so shallow that they cannot be friends with a pretty girl.
The point is, the proof of a man's maturity and devotion to you is not found in his saying that he wants to marry you it is found in his actually marrying you.
Again, you have been given sound Catholic advice (which you claim to want) only to turn around and tell us all how wrong we are.
Techno, here's a little secret to share with you. When someone writes several posts about herself over the course of 4 months and nearly every person who reads what was written and comes to the same conclusion the problem is likely not with the readers but with the writer.
Everyone who has responded to you has done so out of a true concern for you. They have all told you the truth in love - which is what we are called on to do by God. They have all treated you with dignity and respect. It has everything to do with you not hearing what you want to hear. Most of us are old enough to know that because we've lived through your age. You'll see it eventually, too. Unfortunately not for a long while.
You keep telling us that you're not fixated on this boy (yet you
used the word obsessed to describe your feelings toward him). You insist that you had sex with men to whom you are not married and insist to us that you did it for the "right" reasons when you know full well that this is a Catholic message board and that we all believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that there is no justification for it. You keep telling us we're wrong only to turn around withing the space of days or weeks to come back and post something else that shows us that we were, indeed, right. Sometimes, techno, it isn't what you say but how you say it.
That you feel you aren't "meant for this forum" is because you are uncomfortable hearing the truth. You don't want to admit that what we are saying has merit and that while the changes you've made are good there are many more to be made.
It will be a shame if you leave the forum as I think there is a lot you could (and need to) learn from the people here. You should be honest, with yourself at least, and realize that you're not leaving because you weren't meant for this forum, but rather because the truths you have heard here are hard and you're not ready to hear them.