Actually men use slutty girls. Men love the women they marry and have children with and drink coffe in the morning with.

Sorry, but I find it interesting to hear "I'm not a slut and I've never just 'hooked up' with anyone like it didn't mean anything to me." I have heard it so many times before from women ranging from teen to hitting 70 (no joke). Even if it meant something to you, then obviously it did not mean the right thing to you. It is the recipe for a life of heartache.

Put on your Sunday shoes for a moment and have some respect for yourself. What you find at the dollar store, you put in the trash before the year is out. Sure you can sell it and a lot of people buy, that doesn't make it quality goods.

A year or so ago we had a seminarian who spoke with us at church. He told us about a friend of his who was "dating" but didn't ever want to get married. He then went on to explain how a person shouldn't BE dating if you don't plan on getting married. Dating is the interview process. If you think about it in those terms, it makes perfect sense. When you are looking for a job, you don't work at a place for 2 years to decide if it is a good fit. You figure it out after the 1st, 2nd and even sometimes the 3rd interview. While the dating process is probably a little longer, it is essentially the same thing. You are learning about one another to figure out if this is the person you want to commit yourself to... if this is the person you want to "serve" for the rest of your life... if this is the person that you want to "join to become one." If you are already experiencing major issues in this relationship, then it is time to keep interviewing.

Techno.doll, what is so frustrating for all of us is that it appears you are seeking advice in the hopes of finding someone who agrees with what you think. We understand that you care for this boy, but you need to open your eyes and accept the advice you've been given. It is good solid advice.

Stop dating altogether. Forget this boy. Continue with school. Start doing things that you are interested in. Do you have a girlfriend that you can go to museums with... sightseeing. There is sightseeing to be done in pretty much any town you live in. There is history everywhere. Expand your horizons and get involved in your community. Go help out at a food bank or a shelter. Or join the youth ministry at your church. DO something that is not about your own looks or selfish interest. Get involved in really living - and that doesn't mean our own pleasures but rather the needs of others.

Trust me when I say that you you will meet the man perfect for you when you get rid of your excess baggage and aren't looking. It happens every time.

Lisa

:

What she said.

Hey technodoll! OK my turn to give you advice (and yes I am praying for you now too).

Now as someone who just went through a relationship taht turned sour let me give you just a bit of advice:

Gotta second what someone above said when they said concentrate on schoolwork and hanging with other friends. I'm only a couple of years younger but I think I realized that I need to worry about sorting my own problems with school and a potential job out first before I think about romance. Not that I'm saying don't get a boyfriend. But don't neccessarily make it the focus of your life right now if you catch my drift. People like you and I have many more years left (God-willing) to find someone.

Your a great person who has made some mistakes and been taken advantage of (happens to all of us unfortunately). Just be careful and guard your heart is all I'm saying.

Thanks Karl. Your a sweet kid.

Beezel- happy I could entertain you...

And I'm the childish one? O.k then.



How could something not mean 'the right thing'? What do you think it 'ment' to me that it isn't 'right'?

Also could you please explain your dollar store anaolgy in relation to me because honestly I don't understand what your talking about.

I think she meant if you're just hooking up with someone you are not having sex for the right reasons or at least the proper Catholic reasons.

Dollar Tree analogy: If your giving something away cheap people will come get some. It doesn't mean its worth anything and they will usually get rid of it for something that is worth more.

I'm not some dollar store item ok that's just ridiculous to compare a human to. Seriously. I just said I've never just 'hooked up' with anyone because "it" meaning "sex" always ment that I loved him and wanted to marry him. I still love the guys I was with but am only in love with the one I never stopped loving. My intentions were never for sexual satisfaction.

I retract me saying I was a sex addict. I was being dramatic so that is my fault and I accept that and the implications to my character which led from that statement. I was only interested in one person which I understand and have said IS STILL REALLY BAD but will say it again since people here still think I don't get it.

I'm a very busy girl and never once said my life is incomplete without a bf.

This it has NOTHING to do with me wanting someone to agree with me. The only people who have spoken to me with dignity are sea&sky, blessedkarl, hey again and a few others and it has nothing to do with them agreeing with me. Thanks for trying to help me but I realize I'm not ment for this forum. I'm not saying I even dislike the rest of you I hardly know you. So thanks for teaching me what you did and I'll be on my way. God Bless and I hope you can forgive the frustration I caused.

No YOU are not a dollar store items but apparently your virtue is.
So if you were willing to have sex with them why didn't you marry them?
So when did you fall out of love with the other ones?
So exactly what were your intentions? To make him love you enough to marry you?

My virtue is worth next to nothing which is why I've been trying to change my life right?

He didn't feel the same towards me, told me he wanted to marry me but was lieing. I don't believe anyone can make anyone fall in love. All I can do is pray.

techno -

Honestly until you are able to understand and agree that the only time that it is right have sex is when you ARE married (not just want to get married) and the only reason it is right to have sex is because you ARE married and you wish to fulfill the dual purposes of sex, marital unity and procreation, then you are having sex at the wrong time, with the wrong person and for the wrong reasons you will devalue your virtue.

So what if the guy told you he wanted to marry you. Of course he was lying. He, typical of many young men, wanted to have sex and he said whatever he needed to say to get you to lay aside your modesty and your chastity - and obviously it worked (more than once apparently). That shouldn't be surprising to you. After all, you said earlier that all men are so shallow that they cannot be friends with a pretty girl.

The point is, the proof of a man's maturity and devotion to you is not found in his saying that he wants to marry you it is found in his actually marrying you.

Again, you have been given sound Catholic advice (which you claim to want) only to turn around and tell us all how wrong we are.

Techno, here's a little secret to share with you. When someone writes several posts about herself over the course of 4 months and nearly every person who reads what was written and comes to the same conclusion the problem is likely not with the readers but with the writer.

Everyone who has responded to you has done so out of a true concern for you. They have all told you the truth in love - which is what we are called on to do by God. They have all treated you with dignity and respect. It has everything to do with you not hearing what you want to hear. Most of us are old enough to know that because we've lived through your age. You'll see it eventually, too. Unfortunately not for a long while.

You keep telling us that you're not fixated on this boy (yet you used the word obsessed to describe your feelings toward him). You insist that you had sex with men to whom you are not married and insist to us that you did it for the "right" reasons when you know full well that this is a Catholic message board and that we all believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that there is no justification for it. You keep telling us we're wrong only to turn around withing the space of days or weeks to come back and post something else that shows us that we were, indeed, right. Sometimes, techno, it isn't what you say but how you say it.

That you feel you aren't "meant for this forum" is because you are uncomfortable hearing the truth. You don't want to admit that what we are saying has merit and that while the changes you've made are good there are many more to be made.

It will be a shame if you leave the forum as I think there is a lot you could (and need to) learn from the people here. You should be honest, with yourself at least, and realize that you're not leaving because you weren't meant for this forum, but rather because the truths you have heard here are hard and you're not ready to hear them.

There's an old saying about how different men and women think toward love and sex. It goes like this:

Women give sex for love and men give love for sex.

This difference alone is important in realizing that sex is better left between married partners because then you are both giving and receiving each need.. without compromise of one of the partners.

Lisa

Let me explain what I meant. Sex is not a toy. It is not a bargaining chip. It is not something you put on display in tight skirts and fishnet hose to attract men the way trash attracts flies. Shall we venture into the part of your sex education that appears to be lacking? From the act of sexual intercourse comes new lives -- babies. There is no birth control method that 100% circumvents the possibility of children. So, if you have engaged in intercourse, then you have had the possibility of having a baby. Look around here just a bit. You will find parents of children with hearts that need repair, with brains that cannot be repaired, with learning disabilities, with walking and talking disabilities. You will find parents who have held their dead babies and had to choose a box to bury them in the cold wet ground as opposed to every parenting instinct in their heart that told them to keep that child warm and dry. You will find that the same parents who had sex in creating those children have also had sex in comforting one another or just sharing the immense lonliness of loss with each other. It is not an act that is about touching each other's sex organs, but about touching the inner core of a spouse's head, soul, and mind and allowing them to touch yours. It is at the very base of a family and all the love that will grow there and a love that will exceed those sexual acts when one holds the hand of a spouse who is dying and feels the death of the other half of themself having been made one by that act of love. That is what sex truly is.

Now, what was it that you put on sale at the dollar store and thought it meant all that and a bag of chips because some guy bought it? Are you really surprised he tossed it aside? I meant what I said that what we buy at the dollar store winds up in the trash in less than a year.

With one built-in inequity: It's possible to fake love, and men who prey on women are really good at it for as long as they want to be. It's not possible to fake sex.

M Word, your post touched me to tears.

Lisa

Techno, I'm just wondering, how would you describe chastity? Do you think it's important? Is it something you're striving toward?


And then you've got a whole lot of guys who don't see any problem with faking love and a whole lot of girls who don't see any problem with sleeping around.