I should add that it is easier to do when the past relationship remained a chaste one.

Much easier, but nevertheless if you emotionally invest in a relationship and it doesn't work out, you can't just erase that hurt and pretend it didn't happen....

Well, maybe women can, men can't because we have a conscience....

indeed... i'm still friends with one of my high school/college girl friends...i even drove up to her home outside of dallas to attend her 50th birthday celebration...i also remain in touch with and good friends to a college girl friend as well

You can only do that if you weren't deeply invested in the relationship....if it actually MEANT something to you....no, it doesn't work that way, you can't just shut off your emotions with a switch and pretend that nothing happened.....(and believe me, I wish I could)

doom you never cease to amaze me ... you can speak for yourself... but you certainly can't speak for me ...i was deeply invested in both of those relationships...as much as a high school senior or a college freshman could be...i could have seen myself married to either of those girls ... the relationships ended , but we still remained friends ... that we still are friends and in contact with each other now...40 years later is a testament to the fact that it certainly can happen

I think you can mourn the loss of the relationship and accept God's Will and go from there (provided the person didn't treat you horribly; it gets a lot more difficult if the person treated you horribly).

And I'm the one who is constantly accused of being 'cold and aloof and emotionally distant'

Hey, I'm not the one who just bragged about his ability to, as I said 'shut off your emotions with a switch and pretend like nothing ever happened', I just said that I can't do that, and you just told me that you can

first...there was no bragging involved..is that actually something one brags about? merely a statement of what transpired with me and my 2 friends..as i said, you can speak for yourself...you certainly can't speak for me

2nd...no one has ever accused me of being cold and aloof and emotionally distant... that's not the way i roll ...

It's not even a question of being treated badly...I think it is pretty safe to say that if a breakup isn't painful you aren't emotionally invested in the relationship.

I'm not saying it is bad to not be emotionally invested.....indeed, it is probably good to not be emotionally invested too soon.....but if you are deeply emotionally invested and it doesn't work out......well.....there are no words to describe the agony that results....I mean....there's a reason why 'the sad break up song' is a cliche.....all cliches are true.

I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I do think there is also a time of healing and of being able to look back and realize that things are better as they are.

Unless, of course, the situation is that the person does not believe that things are better as they are, but that should not be a permanent mindset in most cases.

Well you know, it amazes me how many people say things like 'Ive had so many bad breakups I don't think I will ever be in a relationship again;

I mean, consider, a whopping 40% of women over 40 have NEVER been married....why not?

At least part of the reason is that people are increasingly bitter and cynical about relationships, and they are bitter and cynical because they've had so many bad breakups....

But people have been breaking up since the beginning of time, and it never stopped them from pursuing relationships....what's different now?

A big part of it is that we are living in a culture that no longer understands basic concepts like marriage and family. Our understanding of these things has been twisted to the point that what was once the expectation has become the exception.

I think if we looked at that section of women more carefully we would find very few virgins in the mix, and of the non-virgins we found, I don't think we'd find a whole lot of women who believe that the marital act belongs exclusively within the bounds of marriage (meaning I don't think we'd find that most of them believe that what they did was sinful, that it had only happened once or twice because they didn't avoid temptation, etc.).

I think there would be a few such people, but not many.

I believe we have an increasing number of men and women who are focusing on their careers or whatever else they are using to define their entire person, not thinking about God or His Will for them, trying to create their ideal life. Marriage doesn't always fit into that, or at least it doesn't fit into that at the moment, especially considering that serial monogamy and intercourse outside of marriage are so socially acceptable.

As a secular teenager 13 or 14 years ago, it was very common for the girls my age to declare that they would never get married before 35 or 40. Girls were being encouraged to live "their own lives" -- and that picture does not include marriage at a young age.

And modern men are certainly not going to encourage marriage when they have so many women willing to do certain things outside of marriage. This is especially the case (in my opinion) because men have been dethroned from their status as head of the household. The role of the married man is, for a lot of people, not adequately defined. The man's role as protector of the family and head of the household is appealing to many men, because it is the role that God gave them, but it is often no longer available.

Once you get to a certain age, liberal atheist and agnostic men are all over a single, conservative girls like white on rice. Even they want a relationship wherein they are allowed to actually be men.

What she said.