Hi all,

I'm a 26 year old Catholic male believer and i do my best to stick to the Catholic believes. I really need some help in getting answers about the physical manifestation of love before marriage.

I'm not married and it is hard for me to get married soon since i haven't find the right girl and for many other financial reasons that, in my country, are mandatory to be able to get married.

Almost each of my relationships, i shared some physical sexual interaction (flirting... no intercourse!) with my girl friend, which is considered normal in my country. But afterwards i always feel guilty about it as i believe it is against Catholic church's believes...

Is it correct to have sexual flirting with my girlfriend? just flirting no intercourse? is it wrong to feel guilty? what physical interactions are allowed?

Pardon my french, my problem is i have so much sexual energy that i need to release it! i feel if i don't it might affect my mental stability or emotional stability! Since i can't wait till i get married from one side and i respect my believes from the other, I'm in a terrible painful dilemma.

One more question: I once had a friend that was a divorced women, on an occasion we were so close to making love, but i instantly stopped and ended my relationship with her...
Why is it banned to have a relationship with a divorced women? its something i respect and abide by but honestly I'm not convinced :S
From my point of view: She's a lonely person and I'm too; we both share feelings towards each others; I can't make love with a normal girl friend since i don't have the right to make her lose her virginity before marriage; and I need to release my sexual energy!
In addition the divorced women, for a long period had complications with her x-husband and needs love...


Please advise,

What country do you live in?

Have you talked to a priest?

You don't have the right to use any woman for sexual gratification. Your views regarding divorced women are insulting.

I was thinking that! Just because a divorced woman is no longer a virgin, doesn't mean you can 'use' her! Actually, virginity as such is not the reason, it's the sanctity of marriage: until the marriage ceremony has taken place you should not have sex.

Other than that, yeah...what country do you live in? Because I'm used to these ideas from growing up with Turkish, Moroccan and Persian friends (It was still Persia back then), but out here women are not usually seen in that light...so be careful how you phrase things !

There is to be no physical manifestation of love before marriage. You can hold hands. MAYBE a dry kiss if that doesn't lead to temptation. You'll find the right girl, keep looking, and stay strong.

First I would like to thank you all for the replies and I apologize if any of the words i used is considered an insult for divorced women.

Dear Signum Crucis, anna1978,

I'm an ignorant person from a third world country called Lebanon! Hope u r satisfied!

I haven't talked to a priest, i feel embarrassed because I'm not used to discuss sexual topics with a priest...

Just to clarify things, we were just friends at first, but gradually we felt in love and at that point the temptations became very strong which led me to brake the relationship. Sexual gratification was not my goal, it was love, but the situation was as follows:
1 - we felt in love
2 - it ain't at all reasonable that we get married since there were 15 years age difference, she had 3 kids and the fact that i could never afford to provide her the quality of life she had...
3 - She's Christian but not quite a believer (she's a big fan of Buddhism and speaks all the time of its practice... ) so she had no problem in having a sexual relationship with me...
4 - The temptations grew very strong to a level i felt i had to either brake the relationship or fell down...
In conclusion, I loved and respected the women, she needed this love and so do I...

Dear Bombadil,

unfortunately, always the dry kiss leads to a hug then a french kiss... definite temptations... 99% of the girls have no problem at all in trespassing the red line of the dry kiss and the worst is that i feel i can't stick to just holding hands or a dry kiss :S

The issue is quite complicated....

Anna1978, although I'm an ignorant person but according to Wikipedia the name Persia was the official name of Iran in the Western world before 1935. From your nickname i believe you were born in 1978!...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_of_Iran

Well then you definitely have to draw clear lines somewhere. That is paramount. No grabbing each other or petting for sure. No clothes coming off. And how about a time limit on French kisses? The goal is not to do it at all, but if it happens at least cut it off shortly before things go any further. I don't know what other kind of advice to give you. If you let things progress, well, it goes further. The only thing to do is stop the progression, and the earlier the better.

As far as your choice in women to date goes I think you made a poor decision entering a relationship with that woman in the first place.

You should only date women who are free to marry, ever! It is by far better if they are already practicing Catholics. Don't date a woman you don't want to marry, marriage is the purpose of dating. You are to find a spouse, if that is your calling, not a girlfriend.

I don't think you're ignorant. It is good that you want to be faithful to the teachings of the Church and are seeking advice.

Lebanon isn't a 3rd world country, it's quite nice there from what I hear! One of my Cypriot friends goes there for work sometimes! And you're not ignorant, just a lot younger than most of us here, we were all your age once, you know !

But...you're saying here you are sleeping with a woman, because SHE didn't stop you...uhm, you really should be able to stop YOURSELF...and not seek out situations where you 'know' it could lead to more than a 'dry kiss' or holding hands. Basically: get to know her by talking, going out for a meal, getting to know her family, that sort of thing...

And, maybe this is too 'obvious': if you are not in a position to marry, then maybe it's better not to get involved with someone until you ARE able to get married. There's no law that says 'Every young man must be in a relationship', being single can be fun-I should know: I was single until I was 28, and it was great to be able to be free!

It might be good for you to talk to a priest. Keep trying to muster the courage.



Feeling that we are in love doesn't mean that we truly love the other person. Love is not a feeling.



It does seem like now you know that this person would be a bad match for you, and since you know that now, you can keep future friendships from developing into inappropriate relationships.



Don't get involved with women who are not faithful Catholics.

Beyond that, until you are virtuous enough to protect your own chastity and hers, you should abstain from dating altogether.



It might be helpful for you to re-evaluate your sense of "need."



You should probably not date for a while.



Is it really complicated, or is it pretty simple?