I hope I can give you some advice without sounding condescending or as if I am minimizing your discouragement and pain. I'm 62 years old and I've been around this block a few times.
1. It's really true that about 80% of what we worry about never comes to pass. Whatever you are fearing might happen will probably not happen or won't be nearly as bad as you imagine it is going to be.
2. We tend to live through bad experiences, even when it feels like there is going to be no tomorrow. If you are real alert, you will find that not only do you live through them, but you can learn some important lessons from them. God has a way of taking things that are bad and making good out of them, including teaching us valuable truth.
3. This is something I am learning right now. The world doesn't revolve around me. It revolves around God. He IS, and therefore, things are not out of control. The hardest thing for me is to give up my fears, desires, and wants and let Him run things. I fight that every day. So do all of us. You can use this time and these circumstances to begin to develop that trust and surrender to him.
4. In order to do this, get yourself a spiritual director -- NOW! Find a priest you can trust or someone whom you are sure is walking close to the Lord and tell them your situation and ask if they would be willing to help you through this and to learn from this. If you don't do this, you will waste a great opportunity.
5. I'll finish by telling you a personal story: when I was much younger, we were deeply in debt. About three months behind in everything with no opening in sight. I had a day one day where I just couldn't work in my office, which was in my home. Finally, after trying all morning to concentrate on business, I put everything down, went into the bedroom, and knelt beside my bed to pray. All I could say that morning was "Thy will be done." In my mind, I was surrendering everything to Him, including His right to let me go through bankruptcy if necessary.
When I got off my knees 15 minutes later, nothing had changed. Nothing, that is, except my heart. I experienced a peace and calm that wasn't there earlier.
Prayer. I know it sounds cliche, but pray a lot. And when you do, turn it all ove to Him and then take your hands off it and really leave it in His hands, no matter what happens!
Our lives here are about being tested and growing into Christ likeness. But we can't do that unless these tests come. As I told my wife the other day "Forgiving people sounds wonderful in practice until we have to actually do it." The same with trusting God.
I wish you many blessings.
Brother Ed
