I've attached a rough draft of the letter I'll send to the Archbishop about the experience I had on January 1. I had thought that I might need hard evidence, but I spoke to my confessor this weekend. He said a letter should be sufficient, and not to worry about spying on parishes too much. Just tell what I saw, leave it up to the Archbishop, and pray, etc.

Again, I know it's not finished, but what would you tweak? How can I be concise, without being rude? I think it needs a more fitting closing, but I tried to keep it to one page, and follow Fr. Z's suggestions.

Thanks in advance for any input.

Overall, I think it is very well put together. There is one omission early where you state: They were all vested in robes more like those of a deacon, than those of an acolyte. I would recommend adding the word "rather" in there so that the sentence reads as follows: They were all vested in robes more like those of a deacon, rather than those of an acolyte.


Other than that, I think it serves the purpose well. It is clear, succinct, and respectful. I might add at the end that you sought council on how to handle the matter before coming directly to the Archbishop, but that is about it.

Nice job, and thanks for standing up.


Peace,

I have a few grammar nitpicks, but I don't have time to comment right now.

to which council did you go to seek counsel?

You should not attach Word docs to a post in a public forum. There is identifying information in them.

<sigh>
Although I'm not exactly incognito around here.

I can wait.

Fair enough

Can word now easily save as PDF, or do you still need a PDF printer?

"including," not "to include"
Fix "helped distributed." (If Dominicatella were here, she would chasten you for the comma usage as well.)

Strike the last sentence entirely. As for the first two: "I am writing to describe what I saw at Sacred Heart Parish, on Eliot Street in Detroit, at the 10:00 a.m. Mass of [or 'on'] January 1, 2012."

Reword to this:


If he did say the words of consecration, you probably should mention it.

To what does "this" refer? Not to anything in the paragraph in which it appears.

This is not in violation of anything.

More specific, please. Did they just carry them off the altar, or did they do the purifications?

To be clear

By words of consecration are meant "This is my Body..." and "This is the chalice of my blood..." If the priest did say those, but left out certain parts of the Eucharistic Prayer that is an abuse yes, but if he did not say those it is far worse, namely an invalid Mass. There is no calling down of the Spirit in the Roman Canon (at least not explicitly...some argue that this or that part of it is a remnant of such a prayer) btw, so omitting that would affect the validity though it would be wrong to do so of course.

Another thought: "Acolyte" is not what you mean; that refers (in Catholic terminology) to what used to be one of the minor orders and is now a ministry. What you mean is "altar server."

FTFY really, though as we noted in the other thread, omitting it would obscure his intention to celebrate according to an approved rite of the Church.

It is impossible to not omissions of words when you think them as you write...your brain just tells you it is there when you glance back over!

Also known as "alter server" (note the alternate spelling.

Note that lbt is not (I hope) serious. "Altar" with an "e" is a verb.