So I agreed to hang out with my ex. He spilled his guts to me, said he wanted me to meet his mom, said a bunch of things how he wants to be a big part of my life blah blah blah. I was being light-hearted and tried not to let on how happy I was to be hanging out with him. He actually told me about his family and opened up about things that he wouldnt have in the past (I wasnt asking or anything at all trying to keep things light). He actually gave me $100 for me to hang onto for him so he doesn't spend it (I know this is a spending warning sign) and he said he wants to give me his $ so he can save and not spend? Idk. He's been calling/seeing me everyday since then...I just hope this doesn't end. He's never been this consistent. I know it's kind of silly to post this kind of like a diary or something but I dont really have anyone to tlak to about my situation so it just makes me feel better not having to keep it all inside. Thanks for listening you all.

He's playing you. And you're letting him do it, and leading him on. It's bad for both of you. I know you won't believe me, but I won't feel right if I don't at least try to tell you.

I agree.

This really doesn't sound any better than before, Techno.

Father Horton is right. You're still playing silly games and it is going to backfire on you. Most likely sooner rather than later.

Wait what's the silly game?

Can I ask an honest question: How could you not be insulted if he gave you money to hang out with you? That's just tacky. (And insecure of him, among other things.)

Please tell me you aren't really this thick. But just in case you are as obtuse as you are acting - let me spell it out for you using your own words as evidence.



This implies that you were holding back letting him know how you really feel so that you don't scare him off. It's akin to the "keeping him on his toes" post. That, child, is a game.



Again with the "trying to keep things light" nonsense of following the "rules" you think you have to follow to keep him interested in hanging out with you. That is a game.



This is indicative of a completely different kind of game - and a more dangerous behaviour. Ignoring what you clearly recognize as warning signs. That's not just a game - it's a darned stupid game.



The final silly game you're playing shows up right here. It is the immature game played by many young adults who ask for advice and then don't get the advice they want to hear.

They keep re-presenting their "happiness" to show us old people that we don't know what we're talking about.

"Oh you said he was no good for me but look at the wonderful things he's doing now."

It's the same game (though to a lesser extent) played by victims of spousal abuse. "Oh. I know he hits me but he does it because he really loves me." Right up until he loves her to death.

You know this guy isn't good for you. You've admitted it several times. You've been told he's using you not only by married women but by single men. You've chosen to ignore your own intuition and the sound advice that you asked for. Now you're showing us how wrong we all were and how great he's really turning out to be.

I for one think it is time to shake the dust from our sandals and simply tell you that when this blows up in your face ... again ... you should find someone else to cry to.

O.k to havana: You misread what I said. He's leaving his $ with me so he doesn't spenf it.

Carole: I'm not trying to prove anyone wrong at all. I was just giving an update but I'll stop b/c it's obviously annoying. I'm sorry: I wasn't trying to be a problem.

I'm obviously getting on nerves by not listening so thanks to everyone for helping me out. I really did get a lot of help from here even if it doesnt seem like it. I understand you all just want to help me so thank you and God Bless.

I am mom of a guy your age. A very good looking guitar player kinda guy.

He would never EVER in a bajillion years treat a young lady the way this guy is treating you. He would never keep company with a girl who would let herself be treated that way, either.

Act as if your value is above rubies, because it IS. Expect men to treat you with respect and dignity.

I'm a very good looking guitar player kinda guy (at least in my head I am) and he is lost to say the least.

techno.doll
You are where you are. It's a hard place! I'm glad you posted here.
for God to keep you safe through this turbulent time.

If you wish, here's some things to ponder with regard to dating and relationships.
http://www.chastity.com/node/50

I'm sorry, but the blatantly obvious sign of future "epic FAIL" here is that he indirectly communicated to you that he's irresponsible and wants you to carry the load for his shortcomings.


Men do this for a little bit then switch back to the way they normally are. My impression is the guy is a straight up loser.

Techno.doll, there's a lot to do with our childhood conditioning that doesn't always leave us with a sound sense of our own worth. A lot of the things that he does that make you excited as signs of love... are simply the opposite of what you believe them to be. I think a good priority for you now would be building that sense of worth in yourself so that you can discern genuine acts of respect and care for you. I know it sounds cliche, but a good way to go about that is volunteering your time regularly to help others. It really does work marvels for your self worth and puts you in company of others who have a good ethic that draw the best out in you.

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Keep them that way. srsly

Consistent: marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity : free from variation or contradiction; showing steady conformity to character, profession, belief, or custom.

Umm... "consistent?" How long, exactly, has he been acting like this? A few days now? A week or two? His behavior has been more inconsistent than anything as he has been changing tactics to impress you with the "new." (Not necessarily better, just new.) And you are still playing games because you aren't requiring better behavior from him, just different behavior.

You know, it's great if he's really trying to change, but you're still not helping him by doing what you're doing. In fact, by continuing to see him and letting him impress you with such a minor difference in behavior (you don't know if it will last, or even if it's sincere), you're more of a stumbling block for him--it would be so much better for you both if you just got out of the way. As it stands, you are rewarding him for the very same things as before--pretty words, but no real action, effort, or sacrifice on his part.

For instance, by holding onto his money for him (what are you, a piggy bank?), you're telling him it's fine that he can't handle his own finances responsibly; you'll do it for him because you're capable and he's not. You aren't helping him to learn how to do it himself. It looks like kindness on the outside, but in reality, it's holding him back, not helping him grow. You're not being a real friend to him, and you don't love him. Maybe if you did, it wouldn't be this hard for you to let go.

Like Obi-Wan, I'm probably wasting my words telling you all this, but I really hate to see you put yourself--and him--through the train wreck that you seem blind to, but the rest of us can all see coming from miles away.

God bless,
--Amy

There's also a chance that he gave you his money to hold to see what you'd do. It's a test. Or, rather, a game.

TechoDoll, it's a very worldly world out there. Listen to the wonderful people on here. Trust me. Please.

I'm going to agree with Obi-Wan Kenobi here. Reading what you put, I have warning flags from all over popping up, speaking as a guy. You are letting him do this to you, and you don't know it yet. It feels like he's taking advantage of you because he probably knows you have emotions possibly for him.

I'd back away from your ex-boyfriend, even if it makes you sad, it will be for the best in my own opinion...

His way of keeping her close, attached. He'll always have a reason to contact her, well of course because she has his money. He's very slick and she's falling for it.