This is written by a priest and aimed at adults and young adults living away from their parents.

http://catholiclane.com/dating-rules-10 ... te-dating/

Do you have any other tips to add?

Here are some that came to mind for me (bearing in mind that this is not my area of expertise)...

• Don't start dating someone until you already have reason to think you may be a good match for marriage. Before that you can more casually spend time getting to know each other better in public activities, things at the parish, etc.
  
• Have dates where you spend time with your families, maybe taking out younger siblings, going out with cousins who are married, having dinner at home with your parents, etc. For that matter think about always or usually going on dates with other people around.
  
• Avoid very long dates, especially multiple long dates in a short period of time. This could create more passion between the couple, which can lead more easily to sin.
  
• Emphasize daytime dates instead of nighttime dates. A date could start with Saturday morning Mass and Confession, then move onto some other planned activity, for example.
  
• Have an end time for the date or a certain plan of activities and stick to it.
  
• Avoid car rides, especially long car rides, unless there are other people in the car. That falls under his #3 of avoiding occasions of idleness, I think.
  
• This was mentioned in the article but it's important enough to emphasize again.... make the Faith the center of your relationship. Go to Mass together, say the rosary together, have dates to visit a local shrine or listen to a spiritual talk or go to an event at church. Talk about your Faith and your values. Pray together before and after meals and at other times. etc. Marry someone who loves God.

That is not universally applicable advice. Sometimes you have the opportunity for that, sometimes not. And there is a danger in being to certain that this is the one if you enter with that attitude.

But that's no fun! Seriously, it is not a bad way of gauging whether this date is going well if you continue on. For instance, take the girl out to dinner and then suggest getting ice cream or something like that. No reason to be Prussian with the schedule. Some spontaneity is a good thing, provided it is not unreasonable

Heck, speaking of spontaneous I know someone who proposed to a girl the same day they met...they have been married a decade so far. Sometimes rules are honored in their breach.

But certainly the advice about "public" or semi-public venues is good. I would add no unduly long engagements. You should marry 6 months are earlier ideally from the engagement

I definitely don't agree with the first one.....you usually have no way of knowing whether someone is marriageable until AFTER you have spent time with them, not before.....I've always found it more than a little creepy when someone says, even before the first date, that they are certain this person is the one they will marry....

I think the first one might be trying to say that you shouldn't start dating someone whom you know wouldn't be right for marriage. For instance, you wouldn't want to start dating someone who thought that ABC was morally good and they were set on using it during marriage.

Right, I agree. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. None of these are possible or applicable for everyone everywhere but generally I do think it's pretty basic advice, that you begin to date only after you have some reason to think there might be a good match.

I would say the real sign that the date is going well is not the continuing on but the desire to continue on. Dinner followed by ice cream across the street -- yeah, that's fine and basic. I more had in mind those lingering dates that continue on aimlessly with lots of idle time, or dates that are too caught up in the moment and are a bit impulsive, maybe a date that was supposed to end in the afternoon leads to dinner, to a movie, onto drinks.... I do think that limits are a good thing, to keep things in check, so that the people aren't ruled by their passions of the moment. Especially before formal engagement ISTM it's good for the level of intimacy to be kept in check. I'm sure you've seen couples who are dating, not yet even engaged, but who are so intertwined and emotionally bonded and always together that they act much like a married couple, even if they remain physically chaste. I don't think that's at all ideal.

I agree with the overly attached couples. Unhealthy that is

But in anycase, there is an element of strategy and protocol here. A man must not be too forward and hence the suggestion to say go to the ice cream place can be an occasion of the woman communicating how well the date is going. Being up front and candid is nice, but it is a luxury. Some deciphering goes on here and I cannot read hearts and see if she desires such.

I would like to lodge my vote in support of the date including ice cream.

How about starting off with:

Do not entertain the thought of 'dating' anyone until you are willing and ready to have children.

..or stated differently..

If you don't want to have children/family, then you have no business dating anybody in the first place.

??

.... or maybe that's already a given....

That's not practicable...
The whole purpose of dating is to try to learn whether or not there's a good match there..



Well, that's kinda-sorta dating, but... "group dates" are not a great idea when you kinda need to be spending one-on-one time in order to get to know each other.
That said, by simply getting involved in 'group activities', it's pretty easy to eventually notice, "Hey, I never really considered XYZ as a potential match..." so...

Guess my point is that the latter is a better way to look at it than the former.
Just my opinion.

Uhh... not right out of the gate.

This is not really practicable either. Meeting the parents is often seen as a "major step" in the relationship... it ought to happen when a couple is REALLY serious about each other, and at least from the perspective of many women I've talked to, if a guy introduces her to his parents too early, it tends to be interpreted as, "Why are you already pushing me to meet your parents? This is moving too fast."

I agree about the group dating but keep in mind these rules are for teens and such, people who might not be ready for 'serious dating'.....I don't think this advice is intended for broken down old fogies like us.....

This is a practicable idea.
Short dates are always good, especially in the beginning... at least for a guy, because otherwise, guys tend to tell everything about everything in one date and then, well, what do you talk about on the next date? ...short dates have a much greater chance of 'leaving the audience wanting to know more' and that's good for keeping things interesting.... errrr.... good for making the guy seem 'mysterious', which is apparently something all women like.



This is going a bit overboard.
Daytime or nighttime, doesn't matter... just so long as they're short.
The better idea is ----> go for weekday/night dates vs. weekend dates...
There's always a reason to end a date short (on a HIGH note) because "oh, I gotta get to bed because of work/school tomorrow"...

So.. Sunday night through Thurs night, good.
Friday night through Saturday night, not so good.



Kinda goes without saying. The better idea is to think in less concrete terms...
Short and end on a high note. Don't wait to end the date when there is a lull... try to end your date when things are really good .... kinda counter-intuitive thinking from a guy's perspective, but leave on a high note and the woman should be more interested in a second date (to pick back up where you left off...)



This is ... I dunno what this is.
You're not going on vacation together, but I guess I understand the point...



Yes... "cheap dates" always good [again, from a guy's perspective], but in general, "chaste dating" basically boils down to this:

try to avoid scenarios where it's just the two of you, alone, in a private place....

Sorry if all of this is a little outside the scope or the article.. just kinda shooting from the hip here..

haha... fair enough!

My chaste and single ds, 23, had a date lined up with a girl, 18, once. They were both homeschooled. Neither had ever dated anyone before. I thought it a bit odd that the mother wanted to go on the date with them, but I didn't really want my inexperienced ds to have his first date with someone who might find it tempting to relieve him of his virginity so I thought it would be okay. Anyway, we thought it would be best to have his family present as well so that he wouldn't be intimidated by it all, so we chose to meet at a nice restaurant. The parents called the date off, much to our relief. He has still not had a "first date". He's not in any hurry to change that.

If this is a list for kids in their teens and twenties, ok, sure for some of them, but for the 30s and up crowd?..



Really don't know about this one. Once a guy gets into the "Friend Zone" with a girl, it's pretty difficult to get out. I'm just barely doing that after 2 and 1/2 years with the one I want...and STILL I'm not sure if we're going to ever start dating. If the romance is there at the start, it is possible for 2 people to control themselves despite popular opinion.




I don't want to depend on other people for company or convo. With regards to the family thing, that only works if they are like-minded, which is not always the case. Most of my nearby family are straight-up bad news. The girl I'm pursuing? She has her own family issues - not bad ones, but there would be a touch of impoliteness from some, with a little inconsideration thown into the mix. Again, it is possible for people to control themselves when it's just 2.




Are you kidding me? Time is EXACTLY what's brings us together. Time at church, time at lunch or dinner, or both and time going on day trips. 6 - 9 hours. Maybe it's because I know she's shy and is a real lady, but we don't get all up on each other. We actually just go out and have fun and talk about stuff.




People are gonna sin whether or not the sun is out, and IMO, the more you think you're going to sin if you do A, B and C, the more prone you will be to do it. Maybe just make getting to know someone and spending time with them the primary reason for the dates?




"Planned" anything only takes you so far. Spontinaity has got to be thrown into the mix every now and then.





It falls under OMG, what? Long ride = how long? To whom? For what? Going where? Oh man...really? How about it's simply a means to get from point A to point B? Sometimes a car ride is just a car ride...seriously.




This is the only one I agree on without question.



I already know with this girl I'm seeing that she and I are not going to do any "funny business" outside of marriage. I wouldn't even consider breaking that idea she has, and what she reminded me of that's so important to our faith and beliefs. Chaste Dating test - PASSED.

I don't think the eternal despair of the "Friend Zone" enjoys the universal truth that some men think it does. The reality is that if a young woman wants to date you, she's going to date you whether you were her friend first or not. Instead of men accepting that there might be a lot of women who don't want to date them, they blame it on being friends. Of course that's not really their fault, because telling a man that you don't want to ruin the friendship is a pretty easy way for girls to get out of dating a guy they don't want to date.

I happen to be married to a man who was my very best friend first.



I don't think having other people around necessarily means group dates or even having other people you know around. Much of the time I spent with Bonaventure prior to our marriage was spent in public settings where you could still have some privacy. Many of our dates were dinner & liturgy. One of our first dates was spent praying the rosary on a park bench on the FUS campus then going for pizza. As our relationship progressed and we were set on marriage, we did spend more time together alone but it was almost always busy time. And my parents dropped by A LOT.




I think that Dominicatella maybe meant long periods of time sitting in a dorm room, alone with each other, etc... A date not ending at a reasonable hour is probably often not a good idea.



I don't think it is true to believe that our environment, the mood around us, our level of alertness, etc., have nothing to due with the risk of sin in a situation. It makes sense to be mindful of these things.



Life will give you unexpected situations. Plan what you can, because the plans are going to be thrown off now and then anyway.



I agree that long car rides are not likely a problem for most people.




A good one to agree with!



Is this the same girl you refer to as "the one you want" at the beginning of the thread?

And it is also a legitimate concern, especially if you the 'friend' who suddenly expresses romanatic interest in you is someone you're used to confiding in.....because you know what happens? Try to move the relationship out of 'the friend zone' and if it doesn't work, guess what? You'll likely never speak to each other ever again. Either it works or it permanently ends the friendship.

So yes, that is a scary proposition.

My opinion is, unrequited love is the best kind of love, if something never starts it can never end, there are always infinite possibilities.

Meh. There are other people to confide in. Also there is a reality that if you're both adults and the romance doesn't work out that you'll still manage to be able to be friends. Of course, once one of you gets married, having such a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex isn't going to be a healthy option anyway.



I've heard that unrequited love is kind of a nightmare.

That's not 'reality' that's fantasy....you can't go back to being 'just friends' with someone you've been in a relationship with.....

Maybe you can't. But people do. I certainly have.